ruined my morning

over sms, word for word, with this cousin -

cousin: Charmine wanna be my on line partner for wedding planning.since u don’t have money cause you just start work.but you can help me.now doing the web site and catalog and renovating the room.come one day and discuss.

me: hey xiaolan i can’t! i already signed my letter of appointment and the memorandum states that i cannot be directly or indirectly involved in any businesses..so sorry

cousin: I’ve lias with the supplier they say they giving us lower price than market price.freelance one u can still work, but we need to sit down and write business plan.i’ve gotten a book on how to be a home base wedding planner.inside teach how to write business plan.and buying furniture lights and painting etc.and also web designer. is ok i invest.u just help me do the catalog and certain thing to sit down discuss. and i’ll pay u percentage out of a wedding earning.don’t need money from your side.just your extra time and effort.some week day after work come and discuss.

me: i can’t work, not even freelance! cannot have anything to do with any business, it’s stated

cousin: Ai yo.all contract say that gal.last time i work sgh they say can’t work. But i still work freelance private nurse.u ask your parent.they explain to u.and the field is not related to that field they don’t bother. is a on line business. they won’t know. register also under my name.if they see u in a wedding u just say u help my cousin.ha…don’t be angry if i say you naive k.cause this is your first job that’s why.if u don’t believe ask mum.as long as u got extra time can gal.time is more important.

me: i am not being naive - as a civil servant they really take this clause seriously. are you asking me to risk my first job for an online business? even if they won’t find out, you know as well that it is against the rules. and i am not one to break rules like that. if i were to ask my mom she would agree with me.

cousin: your company won’t hire a detective to see who u help and what u do to your private life.and is true all contract say that.and is usual refer to the same trade. and they worried leak of trade secret.so they state that statement.but then again.for example dr.if they work in hospital.they can’t work in another. but still they can freelance in private clinic.everyone do that.most do that.on line business who knows u involve.

me: i am not working for any company. i will be joining XXXXX within XXXXX who made me go through a lie detector test, and took one month to do a background check on my family before even offering me the job. and i have a one year probation in which they can do anything they want - tap my phone calls, read my emails etc. so you’re telling me that they won’t do that? and online business will translate into offline

cousin: Sgh is also civil servant.ok la up to you.every job i go they tell me that u not suppose to do that.u mean lawyer can’t own a cake ship.can’t help out in mom’s shop. ok la u better concentrate on your job.maybe get a lawyer to interpret whether what i say is true.if our parent left u a shop you can’t accept it?it really mean what i say. u can ask any senior.it mean u can’t leak the trade secret of theirs.k k u concentrate on your first job and after 10 years tell me what i say is right?is ok.

(second sms in a row) They really not bother about this kind of small business la.my dad is a ex custom officer.the back ground one means they check whether u are involve in any gangs.what is small business to them. pls la.is of a bigger picture.is ok.concentrate on your job.i don’t wanna argue with u. after ten yrs u will know.and all job say that.ask all your friend.including your brother who is in f and b.

me: sgh is a stat board that is govt related, not directly part of a ministry and therefore considered civil service. yah it’s to check whether i leak secrets first and foremost. meanwhile if they find out that i’m working on some other things, you mean that they will close one eye and not do anything? i may be new to the workforce, but it doesn’t mean that you really do know every single thing. true, i want to concentrate on my first job too.

cousin: even small nurse like me they say i not suppose to work.if not you ask XX my bridesmaid.last time i ask her do private nursing she also tell me the same thing like what u say.contract say that.and i tell her the same.after that till now she still doing full time and part time.yours is totally off from wedding planning.

me: it does not matter whether it’s off or not. even if i wanted to set up some blogshop to sell clothes (also unrelated) i can’t

cousin: Don’t worry.actually is my fault to ask u. u just start your job best u concentrate on your job.is stress for new job and maybe now the road u will understand what i mean.your check is to understand your background is clean.for example that guy who corrupt is a civil servant recently on news paper.what is the chance u use your wedding planning business to corrupt.is zero.and u won’t.

me: in the future if i want too move higher in this job there will be more background checks and clearances - so if they find out that i am doing something else without telling them, how will that reflect? i’m not embezzling loads of money or bribing people but it also shows that something is wrong. please don’t talk to me like that and tell me that 10 years later i can get back to you and tell you that you’re right

cousin: Ok u are right.happy?when by the time u think i’m right u tell me.everyone had their opinion in different stage of life base on their life experience and a lot of factor.maybe after ten yrs u still think u are right.by then u can still insist u are right.is ok. don’t impose your idea on me too.if u that after ten yrs u think u are right it’s ok.but i still think after ten years u will know what i mean.don’t tell me u still think the same 5years back.and things u worry now remain worrying after 5yr?what u value now u will still do after 5yr.many thing change.of cos some thing don’t.so tell me after 10 yrs. or after u intent or change your job.and u read the contract.whether civil or not is still say that same in the contract.

me: i don’t even want you to say that i’m right. you can have your own opinion and i accept that. but what you need to do is to take others’ into consideration and don’t be condescending by saying “you’re right. happy?”

cousin: i am sure for all job.the contract hr ask u to sign will have that statement.whether civil or not or private company.ok la.there’s no point arguing.is an offer.u measure your needs your priority and u can’t.and i tell you what i know about in any job contract. and u tell me your job scope.so we came to a conclusion.the deal is off.that’s all.no need to get upset.even i think that u are too serious in looking at that statement of your contract.is doesn’t matter.do what u think is right is most important.u rule your life.i’m not upset at all.don’t need to worry. i can understand u cause i took up my first job too.

(second sms in a row) U just need to ask your mum or dad. their experience can be a reference. is it all job contract say we not suppose to work for others. is stated in my contract. what is xiaolan ask me help her with her on line wedding business planning. and give me commission base on per project or wedding.ican’t help her.is that what my contract mean?that’s all.u should hear what your senior tell u first.that’s all i suggested.

(third sms in a row) if u change your mind still can tell me.but meanwhile i still look out for partner.by then if i still don’t have one.of cos i would gladly work with u.cause u are a honest sweet gal.and i am not a stingy boss.i made u my partner just by helping me on small projects.

me: sorry for the late reply, i was working. thank you for thinking that i am suitable to be your partner.

cousin: U are welcome.u are cousin. of cos i already make shirin my partner at she will be sleeping partner as her illness made her low drive.all my family are my first consideration.plus u like things that are cheap but pretty.i know your style.is my pleasure to have u.but now i found my church mate already.

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if i hadn’t given up arguing we’d still be at it now..and if she had been right in front of me, i’d be strangling her. she could even tell me to look at the big picture..who is the one not looking at the big picture?? going into a business partnership with her will be the death of me because she loves to force people to accept her ideas (i.e. overwhelm you till you have to agree with her), and with her work standards/ethics she’ll probably get me into trouble - even if i was free and bumming around i wouldn’t take up her job offer. after all those smses, she’s still repeating the fact that all contracts say the same thing - the point is not even that! so what if all contracts say the same thing..i believe her when she says that but i definitely don’t subscribe to her flexible values and warped reasoning..you can tell that sometimes she doesn’t even respond to the points i make.

i told my mom everything and she read the texts - she agrees with me that i shouldn’t take on another thing apart from my fulltime job (i think anyone with rational thought and less pride would agree) and said that my cousin was too much. the most hilarious thing is when my dad said that my cousin should be given a scolding cos she’s so spoilt. COULDN’T AGREE MORE..already 36 and still like that. she’ll surely offend loads of people and step over everyone who can be bullied