because i am so hurt, i will internalise it all. because i want to do nothing other than ask why in the most indignant way possible, i will not but instead i will tell you that i understand. because i disagree with your incoherent sentences and warped logic, i will nod and accept everything and anything you say. because i know that i will not be okay in a while to come (and have never been, for a long time now), i will tell you that i am okay (“will be okay” is not even an option). because i feel selfish, i will do things that are selfless. because i want to say no not again please not again, i will say, twice, with a smile, i wish you both all the best. because i am disappointed with your choice, with how we have come full circle back to square one, i will say i’m happy you now know what you want. because i was dying, little by little, inside, because you look so worried about my reaction (i don’t know what you expect me to do take the news well? be upset? show irritation? fight for something? argue? persuade?), i will laugh and smile and repeatedly tell you thank you for telling me, i really appreciate it. because you revealed things about me that you shouldn’t have, i will look you in the eye and say it’s okay, really. don’t worry about it. because i want to jump up and shake you awake and tell you to stop, stop telling me these things i cannot bear to hear for the third time, i will not do anything except to listen to these words coming out of your mouth, apologetic and awkward yet trying to retain some pride and normalcy. because i have so many questions, i will not ask anything.
i don’t need to know, because it no longer matters.
